OK, as your dog I want to state what can piss me off Bigtime:

When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
Blaming your farts on me...not funny.
Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!
How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat?)
Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. (Exactly whose walk is this anyway?)
Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.
Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, your just jealous.
Dog sweaters. Have you noticed my fur?
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
When you insist on picking up the piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back there.
The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us?

hehehe. I wonder what dogs would say if they could really talk. Mine would probably say look we know how to spell...at home OH and I spell out the words Bone, Park, Walk, Ball and Drive. lol. Mind you they are starting to cotton on the B words now.

Gotta say I had a good laugh at that one, I'm glad the dogs can't talk, or my stallion for that matter, I've seen some of the faces they pull & I'm sure they are swear word faces LOL.