When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive - so, I took her to a gas station.

and then the fight started....

************************************************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized
I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

********************************************************************************


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

********************************************************************************


I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the
other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a
DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then
which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

I loved the last one, very funny.

lol ... they are all good but the first one is soooo true.

Where do you find them, still smiling, so glad you put them up.

Yeah last one for me!

My wife was standing in front of the full length mirror, picking faults in her body as women often seem to do. She turned to me and said "Honey, I feel so old and when I look at myself. All I see is my hair going grey, the wrinkles on my face that never use to be there and when I look at my bum and boobs, well, they seem to be getting closer to the ground every week! I feel so despressed about it, can you tell me something good about my body?"

I turned to my loving wife and looked at her carefully for a moment or two and then said "Yes darling, I would say that there is certainly nothing wrong with your eyesight."

The doctor says that the cuts and fractures are healing well, but the bruising and swelling will take a few more weeks to fade.